This is crack. Because apparently, in my head it's wild card = something cracky. I wrote this a almost a week ago in the office out of pure boredom.

From this discussion during the previous D/D Celebration Week.






The greatest love story never told has actually been told by Judith in the form of an epic web novel on the internet, Dirk and Delilah, which actually kept the urban legend about the Dollhouse alive. Dirk and Delilah was published under her pseudonym, "J. Dith", which, in retrospect, is an effective pseudonym because it’s so obvious it’s impossible for J. Dith to be Judith because it’s sooo obvious.



And, of all people, her number one fan is Boyd Langton (and later on, Clyde Randolph, version: Whiskey)

Neither DeWitt nor Dominic knows about the existence of this epic web novel. When Boyd was still the ~seekrit other half founder of Rossum, he read the web novel out of curiosity because of the countless raves and reviews on message boards about the Dollhouse (he also liked the name "Peoplebox" and thought that he should have thought about naming the "Dollhouse" "Peoplebox" first, instead of "Dollhouse"). He loved, loved the web novel and wanted to meet the author (J.Dith was particularly elusive; Boyd used all his seekrit other half founder of Rossum powers to meet her and scan her brain, or at least get an autograph, but to no avail). He also recommended to his Boyd imprints to read it, and they love it too. And since they all have a few other special skills other than his usual special skills, some of them made fanarts, while some made fanfics and some made fanvideos. Almost all Boyd imprints attended the Dirk and Delilah Cons, including him.


Many Boyd imprints attend the Dirk and Delilah Cons

After that attempted terrorist attack in Tucson by Caroline, he saw the badassery, the synchronized motions and the simmering Sexual Tension^™ of DeWitt and Dominic in the security cameras, just like Dirk and Delilah. J.Dith’s description is accurate too, right down to Delilah’s “hair, spun from silk with curls so regal it befits a goddess like her,” and Dirk’s “swagger, just like a cowboy but with the gracefulness of a brave and virile knight in shining armor atop a valiant steed”, and he became so convinced that Peoplebox = Dollhouse LA, and that Delilah and Dirk = Dewitt and Dominic in real life (even though there is a disclaimer at the start of the book which says, "A totally fictional story set in a totally fictional world but with some basis on the urban legend of the Dollhouse, a place where they suck out the brains and personalities of people. But it’s not really all that bad because most of these people volunteer for said brain sucking and it actually helps them. Resemblance of characters in this story to people in real life, historical or not, is purely coincidental.").




Boyd begins thinks up of a plot to separate Dirk and Delilah Dewitt and Dominic because it will ruin his plot on grooming Echo to be the saviour of humanity (because according to the book, Dirk is a stickler for security measures and will immediately quash and solve security mishaps, especially mishaps brought about by the erring People-bots and will send them to the ~Cellar). He went undercover as Boyd, the Handler and realized, after barging in to DeWitt’s office one day (and being blocked by Dominic halfway through), that Judith is J.Dith, which kinda blew his mind away.



He was successful in stopping himself from gushing in front of her and asking for her autograph because he doesn’t want DeWitt or Dominic to know about Dirk and Delilah, lest his plot be uncovered (because in the novel, both Dirk and Delilah have this power to know what other people’s thoughts are; it’s what makes their erotic lovemaking erotic). And, even though he loved the idea that Dirk and Delilah lived happily ever after in the end, he can’t let that happen to Dewitt and Dominic (but even so, he really wanted them to get together in the end because Dirk and Delilah = Dominic and DeWitt, and it makes his fanboy heart skip with squee).

He was relieved that DeWitt sent Dominic to the Attic when it was discovered that Dominic was actually an NSA agent (a miscalculation on his part. He never realized just how scary effective Dominic was as Head of Security and how weirdly amazing Echo is) because he knows that there is still hope for his RL Dirk/Delilah ship (the rumors that no one gets out of the Attic are so false it’s laughable).

When he was promoted to Head of Security, he would secretly take a peek at Judith’s computer when she’s on a break. He couldn’t find any traces of Dirk and Delilah on the system—he checked all the folders except for the one labeled “Finances” because, really, he’s rich enough and he doesn’t think Judith will put a literary masterpiece inside a folder named “Finances”.

And it’s not as if he’s an awful Head of Security. No, sir. It’s because he’s just too busy thinking about DeWitt and Dominic as Dirk and Delilah and it took up all his time. But he tried to be an Okay Head of Security (not the Best, because Dominic actually has mad skills, aside from being all scowly and rude and jackass-y)


When Dominic escaped the Attic to warn them that he (one of his Boyd imprints) had Clyde killed, he got worried, but kinda got a little sidetracked when he saw Dewitt touch Dominic’s arm and practically said, “I love you and I want you to survive this first wave of attack, that’s why I’m sending you back to the Attic because it’s your only chance to live” in her own, Dewitt/Delilah sort of way (he knew it was plausible for Delilah/Dewitt to act that way and he thinks one of his Boyd imprints explored this idea in one fanfic).



Also, Clyde in Whiskey’s body also read Dirk and Delilah and fell in love with Delilah. He wanted a real life Delilah in real life and will do everything to get rid of the real life Dirk. Boyd didn’t tell him that Delilah = Dewitt, and Dirk = Dominic because he might try to kill off Dominic in the Attic. But Clyde in Whiskey figured it out in Tucson and tried to invite her for drinks. He was so glad that Dewitt didn’t really cooperate with him in her (after all, Delilah will always love Dirk, no matter what)



When he was holding a gun at DeWitt’s head, he kinda wished that J.Dith made more Dirk and Delilah novels so that the canon would be meatier, but there might not be enough time for her since the end of the world is impending and everybody will probably get wiped, including Judith/J. Dith, because Echo refused to be saviour of humanity on his terms (she wants to be saviour of humanity on her terms).



But Boyd has always loved J.Dith. Even when he thought he was a dude. And if he could, he would make imprints of her, so that Dirk and Delilah could live on forever.